Poetry Winner 2006:
I Didn't Want
by Jim Tolan
I didn't want
to fuck you in the burned-out building
last night because, in your long purple dress, new
European shoes, and nothing else to complicate
the finery of your heroic flesh, I wanted you
moonlit on a featherbed with oils and no rush,
wanted my tongue to move over you till dawn
and not splash your thighs before the sun
called us out of doors. I didn't want to fuck you
in a burned-out building because I wasn't ready
to share you with the sky, the curious eyes
of the moon and stars. I didn't want to fuck you
in the burned-out building because I was not
man enough to come out loud with pants
around my ankles, my hands cradling
your firm ass in the empty window sill,
because I was scared to want you riding me
beside roach shit and the malt liquor stench,
scared to want my tongue between your legs
as you leaned against a smoke-stained wall.
I didn't want you in the burned-out building
because there was nothing I wanted more,
because I wasn't ready to give up your scent
to the wind, because my cock would have been
so hard our screams would have brought the cops,
because our juices would have drowned your fine
new shoes, because we would have burst into rain
and you are too hard to find beneath the earth,
because we've waited long enough to find each other
solid and almost whole. I didn't want to fuck you
that lost and randy night awhirl with possibilities
because I am an idiot of lyric proportions.
Rauxa: n.
of Catalan origin
unbridled emotion and passion; wild spontaneity; overflowing creativity and capacity for action
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